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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27584494">A Damage You Can Never Undo</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/manwithaminivan/pseuds/manwithaminivan'>manwithaminivan</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Drinking Problem, F/F, First Kiss, Military, Pretty sad, They get a happy ending, and also their last kiss</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:35:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,716</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27584494</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/manwithaminivan/pseuds/manwithaminivan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Janis doesn’t like needing help. Regina cant take it anymore. What will it take for the two to stay strong?</p><p> </p><p>(or Janis saw some things while in the army and its affecting their relationship)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Regina George/Janis Sarkisian</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Say Your Goodbyes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Small little thing, probably not gonna be more than 2 chapters. </p><p> </p><p>tw // mention of drinking problems, mention of PTSD symptoms</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Janis sighed as she stared at all of her friends standing in a line, wiping tears from their faces. She’d knew this moment would come, but seeing the pain and worry in their eyes made her want to cry as well. She threw her bag into her dad’s truck, telling him to give her a second before walking to her friends.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, this is it.” She said with an almost wet laugh, rubbing her arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Damian was the first to break, wrapping her in a tight bear hug and sobbing, “I can’t believe you’re doing this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, Dam, but I’ve gotta make my family proud…. I’ll be okay, I promise.” She hugged him back as tight as she could. It took a few moments but eventually, he pulled away, his face more tearstained than before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cady was next, then Gretchen and Karen. Each one of them hugging her tight and telling her to stay safe. She smiled with each one, telling them that everything would be fine and how much she’d miss each one of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then there was Regina, dear old Regina George.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She came up and gave Janis a quick hug before taking her hands, “I’m uh… really gonna miss you, Janis.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janis nodded, “Same here, George. Thanks for a good senior year.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The blonde smiled, rubbing her thumb over Janis’s strong hands. She was silent, her eyes welling with tears and she bit her lip to hold back a sob.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janis moved her hand to the girl’s face, wiping away a few tears with her thumb. “Keep them sane, alright? They’re gonna need someone now that I’m gone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll do my best.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And that’s all I can ask.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was well aware of the stares of their peers from a few feet away. But she didn’t care, she smiled and sighed, dropping her hands back down. Regina turned and walked back to the group.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright guys, that’s that, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her friend’s faces were a mix of grief, fear, and pain. And all she wanted to do was replace it with joy… but she couldn’t. Because this is what she had to do. She smiled and motioned for all of them to come hug her, which is what they did immediately. They all smiled and gave wet laughs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After what felt like a long time her father honked the trunks horn and they all pulled apart. She gave each one of them a smile, “I love you guys. Don’t forget about me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They smiled and nodded, no one really able to form words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turned and started the walk back to the truck, hearing all of them go back into Damian’s house behind them. Before she could step into the truck, however, a hand caught her shoulder. She spun back around to see Regina.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know this isn’t the best time, but I thought you deserved to know: I... I love you. I have for… Longer than I can remember.” The words came out slow and deliberate and Regina held Janis’s hands tight, as though she were afraid to let go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Regina… I don’t know what to say.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The blonde’s face flushed, “Oh.. I’m sorry! I just… I didn’t want to let you leave without you knowing. You don’t ha-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janis cut her off before she could say anything more, “I love you too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A silence fell over them. Regina smiled softly as Janis’s hand fell back to Regina’s cheek, she smiled and pressed their lips together in a kiss that was so soft and so passionate at the same time. All the years they could have had seeped into one (possibly) the last kiss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Janis finally pulled away it was only because she needed the breath, their foreheads stayed pressed together for a moment before Janis sighed and straightened back up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Regina’s voice was quiet when she spoke once more, “You better come back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I promise I’ll come back just for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Regina nodded and smiled, “Goodbye, Janis.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodbye, Regina.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>----</span>
</p><p>
  <b>8 years later</b>
</p><p>
  <span>“Janis, you’ve changed…” Regina’s voice was soft but unwavering, she was upset.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah well, seeing people die will do that to you, babe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Regina ran a hand through her hair, “I know, and that’s why you need to get help. I can find a therapist, you can get better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t need to get better!” She stood from her seat in front of her canvas, staring down Regina with way too much intensity than needed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Janis! You’re getting nightmares every night, you’re aggressive…!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t need to see some… some shrink!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hadn’t meant to but she knocked her easel to the ground, the sound of paintbrushes and metal hitting the floor rang through the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Janis…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Regina, I just… I don’t know what you want from me! I came back! Isn’t this what you wanted!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you didn’t come back, Jan! You’re not you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janis scoffed, “You’re right, I’m not me! Alright, I’m Sergeant Sarkisian! I’m not the girl that left you on that sidewalk years ago.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But you could be! You could get help! Get better” Regina’s voice was pleading, begging but Janis wasn’t hearing it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Regina moved from her spot in the doorway, closer to Janis but still a distance a way… How symbolic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not broken, I don’t need to be fixed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then why are you drinking so much? Hm? People drink to fix things, Janis! To get away from pain, but seeing someone is an easier way to do that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, so you’re gonna bring up my drinking?! Okay, then what about you and Aaron! You guys are getting pretty cozy!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was Regina’s turn to scoff, she crossed her arms. “You did not just say that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did! You’ve been spending an awful lot of time with him!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah because I can’t spend time with you anymore! He listens to me, he understands. You’re driving me mad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janis stood there a moment, fiddling with her hands. It was all happening so fast, she couldn’t keep up. She was just saying whatever she felt like at the moment not aware of any consequence they might have in the future.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sorry I ruined your life. Maybe you shouldn't have married me."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Janis, you dick!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Face it, Regina! You only care about me when you can fix me! Senior year, you were like ‘Oh! I’ll crawl back into Janis’s life, make her fall in love and forget all the shit I did to her in the past.’ and now you’re coming in all ‘I can fix you! I can help you!’ Well, news flash Regina, I’m not broken and I don’t need you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Regina sighed, there were tears rolling down her cheeks. She took a wavery breath, removing her ring from her ring finger. “Unless you wanna get help, we’re done. I didn't want it to come to this, but you aren't giving me a choice. Get help or lose me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Reggie, thi-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” She walked over and took Janis’s hand, setting the ring in it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I love you, Jan, that’s why I’m doing this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Regina leaned in and their lips collided. It was just like their first kiss, but this time it was filled with pain, sorrow. Janis’s hands instinctively went to Regina’s face, holding it softly for what was now the last time. Regina pulled away first this time, not allowing their foreheads to stay connected. Janis choked back a sob and wiped away some of Regina’s own tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can get through this, I know we can.” It was a desperate last attempt that she knew wouldn’t work but still, she tried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be back for my stuff in the morning, I know you have work so I’ll just take a key then lock it when I leave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where are you staying?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“With Gretchen and Karen, I’ll be fine, I promise.” Her smile was soft, as tears fell down her cheek before she wiped them away with the sleeve of her shirt quickly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janis nodded, fiddling with the ring in her hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodbye, Janis.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodbye, Regina.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The Healing Process</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Healing, reconnection, all that jazz.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Basically just didn't wanna end on what could have been a cliffhanger.</p><p>Also, a lot of what Janis goes through is a very dulled down version of what I do when I have an episode. So if you wanna come at me for misrepresenting do so, but this is based on my own experiences.</p><p>tw // dizziness spells, talk of passing out, drinking problem mentioned<br/>(if I missed something let me know)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>1 Month After Regina Left</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Getting sober is harder than Janis believed, especially when she didn’t have her wife supporting her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hadn’t heard from Regina since she left, occasionally calling Gretchen to make sure she’s fine. The girl always obliges her calls, but not for long. Maybe 2… 3 minutes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Janis, honey.” Damian’s voice was right beside her, his hand rubbing circles on her back as she sat on the couch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know what you’re going to say.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed quietly, continuing the soothing circles. “I just think that a meeting would help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m getting sober on my own. I don’t need to go to AA. My dad went and it didn’t help him so why would it help me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Janis, your dad shouldn’t have any effect on what you do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just don’t see the purpose of going.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Damian took his arm away from behind her and sat them on his lap, “A lot of people say just talking helped them a lot. Maybe seeing that you’re not alone will make things easier.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t need some... some weird therapy thing while I wait for the stupid VA to call me and set up an appointment with an actual therapist.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not therapy, Jan… think of it more like a group talk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She scoffed, “So group therapy, how charming.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stood from the couch, running a hand through her hair. It was getting hot, so hot. She took a deep breath, trying to stop herself from spiraling. She slipped off her jacket, setting it on the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, hey. Come on, it’s okay.” He stood up as well, moving closer to her but she flinched away. “Alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stayed standing, scratching at her arms. Her thoughts attacking her like thousands of knives, digging deeper and deeper. Damian’s figure became slightly blurred, being replaced with someone else, someone she knew wasn’t there, but god he looked so real. She shook her head quickly and opened her eyes again, the guy was gone, but she still felt weird.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shut her eyes tight, scratching slightly harder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Janis, you’re gonna make yourself bleed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up, Damian.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her head hurt, bad. And things were getting blurry and she was getting dizzy. This had happened before, normally shes alone and just rides them out, but now she’s stuck with Damian and he’s not going anywhere soon. She runs a hand through her hair, trying to keep from scratching again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You look like you’re about to pass out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head and moved from where she had been standing and into the kitchen, looking through the cupboards.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you looking for?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The question went right over her head, she dug around until finally, she found a big enough and clean enough glass. She wasn’t surprised that half of her dishes were dirty, she hadn’t been able to bring herself to do them in a while and fought Damian off every time he offered</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She moved to the sink and let the glass fill up with water, taking a breath before she leaned her head over the sink and dumped the glass on herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Janis, what the f-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before he could finish the sentence Janis laughed dryly, her head still over the sink, “It's fine. Just felt hot and dizzy, so I splashed some water in my face.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Damian sighed. “You dumped a glass of water on your head, there's a difference."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, I’m fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Janis, please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine, Damian! I’ll go to a goddamn meeting if that’s what makes you happy and gets you off my back..”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He smiled and it was a completely genuine and caring smile. “Let me get you a towel.”</span>
</p><p>
  <b>3 months later</b>
</p><p>
  <span>She felt fine. In fact, she felt good. She’d gone to the meetings and they were helping. Everything was good now so why did she feel so nervous outside of Gretchen and Karens house. She fiddled with the ring Regina had left with her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She and Regina had started talking again, only over text really. There were occasional check-ins, and Janis would update her about any commissions. It was nice, but it wasn’t enough. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then one day Regina texted her a very ominous message.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>We should talk.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It was horrifying, the wait up until this moment. The original text was over a week ago and Janis was just told to come to where she was staying. No cars were in the driveway, so she assumed both Gretchen and Karen had gone to work.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took a breath. It would be fine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Slowly she got out of the car, sticking the ring in her pocket.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had nothing to worry about. It would be fine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her hand reached for the doorbell and she swayed back and forth, waiting for it to open.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They would talk like civilized adults. It would be fine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door opened and it most certainly was not fine. Regina looked amazing, well she always looked good but somehow she looked even better. It put a knot it Janis’s stomach. She’s well ware that she looks like crap, eyebags are forming, her hoodie is painted stained. She smiled softly as Regina motioned for her to come in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She closed the door behind her and followed Regina into the living room, where she sat on a chair. Janis sat on the couch near it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um. You said we need to talk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Regina nodded, “We do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before the blonde could continue Janis spoke, rather rapidly in fact. “Listen, I know I screwed up, okay? It’s just… seeing what I saw and doing what I did, messed with my brain. I know that now, and I’m getting better, I swear.” She dug in one of her pockets, pulling out a small chip with the words ‘3 Months’ on it in bold letters. “I’m sober 3 months.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Regina smiled, looking at the chip admiringly before looking back at Janis, “Have you found a therapist yet?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, no. The VA’s up my ass about it.” She stuck the chip back in her pocket.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The smile fell.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But! But! I’m trying to get one, okay? It’s just medical bills from my service piled up and they kept me on hold for ages, it’s difficult to get an appointment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The last time we were together, Janis, we both said some things…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mainly me, you mean.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, that's not wrong, is it? You did say maybe I shouldn’t have married you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janis looked down at her lap, fiddling her thumbs, “I didn’t mean it. I was just upset.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I shouldn’t have left as I did. You needed me and I wasn’t there for you but you have to understand… We needed the break from each other. I needed a break.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I understand.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything felt so slow. So… fake. Her hands shook slightly but she covered it by putting them in her hoodie pocket. Regina tapped her fingers against her leg, seemingly in thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll have to go to couples therapy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janis nodded, “Yeah, okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And we’ll work on communication and all that, but we’ll get through it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janis smiled and pulled the ring out of her pocket, holding it up. “I uh, kept it with me at all times. A small reminder to keep going, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Regina stood and walked over, allowing Janis to slip the ring on. Janis sighed contently sitting next to Regina again. She looked down and noticed the girl fiddling with her thumbs as Janis was doing a second again, she quickly took both of Regina’s hands into her own, holding them tight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, it’s going to be fine. We’ll get through this together, hand in hand, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m usually the one saying that to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, guess this is the start of something new.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They both laughed softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For now, they were content enough to just sit in the presence of each other, holding hands. The future is a scary thought, but the thought of going into the future together helped ward of the fear.  They both know life can knock you straight on your back, but with the right person…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Janis smiled softly when Regina set her head on her shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, with the right person anything is possible.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This was written at 3 am after a major fight with my homophobic father. So, if it's horrible I'm gonna use that as an excuse why.<br/>Hope you enjoyed it anyway.</p><p>Leave a comment! Leave a kudos! They make my whole day.<br/>Thanks for reading :) <br/>tumblr: manwithaminivan<br/>(requests always open unless explicitly said) </p><p>"Close your eyes and imagine the best version of you possible. That’s who you really are, let go of any part of you that doesn’t believe it."<br/>- C. Assaad</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hope you enjoyed it!! I am always open to criticism so feel free to drop it in the comments or on my tumblr.<br/>If you have any requests also feel free to leave those on my tumblr!!</p><p>Have a wonderful week or month or whatever :)</p><p>tumblr: manwithaminivan</p><p>"You are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress, simultaneously."<br/>- Sophia Bush</p></blockquote></div></div>
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